Thursday, July 15, 2010

Rewarding AND Lonely?

I want to start this post by saying I am VERY fortunate that I am able to be a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) to my 3 little munchkins.  I love them dearly and there is nothing more important to me than being home with them during their most formative years.  Being their mother, teacher, nurse, chauffeur, chef and anything else they demand of me is a job I welcome and enjoy.

When you learn you're expecting your first child, you receive many words of wisdom and opinions of the heart.  One such sentiment is "being a Mother is very rewarding".  I completely agree with this statement.  Being a mom IS rewarding.  There is absolutely nothing better than having your child curl into your lap for a hug and a snuggle or watching them learn to write his or her name for the first time.  

But what no one told me is that being a SAHM can be a very lonely place.  My husband travels a lot, for weeks at a time, and so I'm often left home to take care of the kids, the house and anything else that comes along.  2.5 years ago, we moved into our current home leaving behind wonderful neighbours with whom we had a great relationship and friendship.  In our new home, we have decent neighbours.  But they are much older and we really don't have anything in common with them.  We don't even have other children in the area for the twins to play with and as they go to school out of cachement, they don't have any school friends nearby either.  I've found that as we get older the ability to make friends has become more difficult and so 2.5 years after moving into our home I still don't have anyone I can call upon to chat or join for a cup of joe in the afternoon.  Yes, I have childhood friends that I could call to talk to; but they all work or don't have children of their own and cannot relate.  There are times when I feel very alone in this great big world.  

As I write this post I'm reminded of my friend from our previous home.  On an evening such as this, when the housework was done and the kids were all in bed, we would sit in one of our backyards, with baby monitors and a beverage, talking of our daily trials and tribulations.  I miss you dear friend and I am lonely without you near.

I'd love to hear from other moms.  Do you feel the same way sometimes?  What do you do to make it better?


  1. Awwwwww Steph....I can totally relate! Being a mom is hard - especially when you do it alone most of the time. It started for me back in 1996 when I had my son at 21. None of my friends had kids or even a serious relationship yet...and it stayed that way for MANY years...

    I'm here if you ever wanna chat - even if its by phone, or computer :)
    *big hugs*

  2. I think motherhood was never what I expected. I also loved my children when they were little, but it could be lonely.
    I think now we blog and craft to fill some of that time and loneliness.
    Remember we are here if you need to talk.I am always available for a friend.

  3. I hear you Steph, I have been struggling with this issue for months now. My friends don't have children yet, I have not made any new friends with children and I agree it can be so lonely at times. I don't know what to do to make it better but I am sure searching for the answer. I would have never guessed you were feeling this way too, it seems as though you lead such a full and busy life which is something I have admired about you. If you ever need to chat or just want some ADULT interaction (that is something I miss) the boys and I would love to come and visit. :) hugs Donna

  4. Thanks ladies, glad to know I'm not alone in my feelings. Donna, I would love a visit. Just let me know when you're free.

  5. Have you looked into local mommy groups? Go to and search your area. I've met so many wonderful women and my children have friends to play with. I've also made many online friends to help with the loneliness

  6. Thank goodness for blogging! I think I'd lose my mind without it some days. I look forward to nap time and time to chat w/ other girls. But I miss having time to TALK with women face to face. It's a billion times harder to make friends when you are older-- especially when playdates consist of chasing a kid across a playground instead of having a conversation with another woman. This time will pass (quickly, I'm told) but it's a hard time of life. (I think the reward comes a little bit later). I'm hear from bloggy moms!

  7. I've tried the mom groups in my area and while they seem excellent for moms of infants and toddlers, they don't work so well when you have two kids with a 6 year age difference between them. I found it hard to relate to many of the women and the topics they discussed. I've found that Facebook chat with friends back home, and blogging has helped ease the loneliness quite a bit. And just keeping myself busy when it tries to creep in, that way I can push it aside and focus on something else.

    Following you from Bloggy Moms! =)

  8. Are there play groups in the area with other moms that you could join? I agree that other women/friends are a life line ... it can get incredibly lonely at home. Blogging with other women is great but it's not a substitute for a hug or a shared glass of wine with a friend.