Thursday, January 6, 2011

A Walk Down Memory Lane

I was going through some photos on my computer last night and came across one of the very few photos of me when I was pregnant with the twins.

It seems like just yesterday.  It's hard to believe my babies are 6 now.  The time really does go quickly.  

Finding out we were expecting for the first time was wonderful.  Mr. Twingle and I had been dating for six and a half years before we got married, so we decided we would try to have kids right away. 

About three months after we started "trying", we were eating dinner and I was overcome with a wave a nausea.  It was that moment that made me wonder if I was in fact pregnant.  When we took the pregnancy test and it came back positive, we were both surprised.  We have had family that struggled with fertility and so we were prepared for the worst.  Unfortunately, I miscarried at eight weeks.  I was heartbroken and felt defeated.  I ended up needing a D&C, which was my first experience with any kind of surgery.  Since I had my procedure at the hospital, I was put out and when I woke up it was all over; the surgery and the miscarriage.  We were advised to wait at least one full menstrual cycle before we started to try again; but, at that particular moment I didn't want to try, I wanted to mourn the loss of my unborn baby, whom we had nicknamed "Little Ty".  Even now, 6 years later I still think of that baby and wonder what he/she would be like.  My due date would have been September 19 and each year on that date I send a silent prayer for the child I didn't get to meet.  

We heeded the doctor's orders and after the necessary month, we "pulled the goalie" as Mr. T likes to say.  Within a month I was pregnant again.  I didn't have any nausea and really didn't clue in that I was pregnant until I was already nine weeks.  I just figured my cycle was still messed up after the miscarriage.  I had a very good pregnancy and you can read about my experience birthing the twins in a previous post.

After having the twins, I knew I still wanted one more child.  But Mr. Twingle only wanted two.  I tried to convince him every chance I got; but, he wasn't going to budge.  The only thing that gave me hope was that he didn't want to get rid of any of the toys or clothes that the twins had outgrown.  I secretly kept hope that he would change his mind.  

By the time the twins were three, I had come to accept that another child wasn't going to happen and I was learning to accept that.  It was no longer the end of the world and I wouldn't resent Mr. T for it. 

That spring, we had an "oops" and I learned I was pregnant.  We planned to tell our families on Father's Day that we were expecting.  But, the day before Father's Day, I started spotting and lost the baby at eleven weeks.  I developed a fever and ended up needing another D&C, which took place one day before my birthday.  Needless to say, I didn't much feel like celebrating that year.  I mourned the loss of this baby much more than that of the one I lost before the twins.  To my thinking, it was because I knew that he/she was my only chance at a third baby.  I knew Mr. Twingle still didn't want a third child and he would make sure we didn't have another accident.  Bean's due date was January 4.  

Another year goes by and to my surprise, he has not yet take precautions to ensure we don't have another accidental pregnancy.  Mainly because he was touring so much of the year and didn't have time. Just my luck, we got pregnant again, with Pickle!  Neither he nor I were expecting it to happen and so I think I took three or four tests before finally calling the doctor to confirm it.  

I guess in the end, the saying "good things come to those who wait" is true.  I can't imagine life without Pickle in it, even if raising Twingles is a challenge.  It's one I'm happy to accept!

Here I am the morning of Pickle's delivery.

1 comment:

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