Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Tuesday Ponderings

As I sit in my backyard watching the kids play I contemplate the decisions that have brought me to this point in my life.
In my youth and certainly even my early adulthood, I pictured my life differently. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy in my life. I have a loving husband and three great kids. Yes, any of the above may drive me to drink on any given day; but, I wouldn't change it.

Somehow though, I never pictured myself in the role of a stay-at-home mom, struggling to get one child caught up to grade level in school and dealing with the every day dilemmas bestowed upon a single income family of five. I always thought I would be a working parent, contributing to the family budget and providing my kids with quality family experiences and traditions for a happy childhood and ultimately a happy life.

I have come to the conclusion in the seven and a half years since becoming a mother, that some parents are better parents when they work outside the home. I think I would be one of those parents. There are many days when I look at my kids and think "I'm failing as a parent". That's not to say my kids are horrible. On the contrary, despite their somewhat obnoxious tendencies, they are pretty good kids. Any one of them would give you the shirt off their backs if you needed it, unprompted. So I must be doing something right. But, I feel like there is so much more I could give them, teach them, let them
I feel like somewhere in these last seven years, I've lost myself. I don't know who I am without the kids anymore. I think I'm feeling burnt out, which is what has prompted this post to begin with.

There is one thing I am absolutely confident of, and that is I am not alone. I'm sure there are many others in similar situations around the world, dealing with the same feelings and shortcomings.  I'm not really sure what I wanted to accomplish by writing this, but there it is, for all to read and maybe even feel better about their lives knowing they too are not alone.

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