Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Mean Girls

Every night, we enjoy a family dinner.  We all sit at the kitchen table and eat together.  It's our chance to catch up with each other and what's happened that day at school, work, etc. 

Pretty mentioned she had spent recess walking with her teacher, so I asked if her friends were off ill?  She responded with "I don't have any friends any more".  What?  Pretty has always had an outgoing personality and has surrounded herself with many friends, so to hear she didn't have friends sent off a warning bell.  I probed a little further asking why she thought this.  She informed me that Jane's mom told her she couldn't play with Pretty anymore; which seemed very harsh.  I gently asked Pretty if she had done something to Jane  that might make her mom say this and Pretty said she hadn't done anything.  But, Pretty's friends have chosen "sides" and play with Jane at recess leaving Pretty to fend for herself.  The upside to this is that Pretty seems indifferent to it all; however, I'm not sure that's really the case.

Now, I know kids can distort the truth and be hurtful.  Perhaps Pretty and Jane had a disagreement or maybe something has happened that I don't know about.  I would hope in the case of the latter, Jane's mom would contact me to let me know.  I did email Jane's mother this morning to clarify things.  I would rather know if Pretty has done something, so I can deal with it accordingly, than have her wonder what happened to her friendship(s).  I somehow have a feeling that this is just the start of girl adolescence.  Girls are mean.  Plain and simple.  I don't know why and I certainly don't agree with it; but, there it is.  I have definitely been a victim of mean girls, and I would by lying if I said I didn't dish out my fair share of meanness too as kid.  But why do we become mean girls; is it survival of the fittest?  Is it learned behaviour.  Do we feel a need to put others down so we feel better about ourselves?

How can we teach our daugthers that it's okay to have disagreements and differences and still be friends and that differences can actually help us forge stronger bonds?

Sigh, as a mom I want to jump in and fix it; but, I know Pretty has to work this out on her own.  I can at least find out if there is a problem that I need to deal with or if it's simply girls being girls.  In either case, it's not going to be easy. 

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